Being clingy, needy, or behaving in a codependent fashion is one of the biggest killers in a relationship. Clinginess sends a message to your significant other that you can’t live without them and that they are the center of your universe. This gives them total power over the relationship and over you.
People develop clingy, needy tendencies or codependent behavior for many reasons, mostly resulting from childhood experiences or past betrayals. But if you find yourself in this pattern, you may be pushing your partner away.
Here are some tips on how to stop being cling and needy:
* Try to slow down. Every relationship develops at its own pace. Cherish the excitement because it’ll never be new again. Be patient and learn to savor that excitement. Don’t try and push the connection into a stage that it’s not ready for.
* Understand that other people have lives outside of yours. When you think everything you do is at the center of everyone else’s universe, your insecurities become annoying and people get tired of reassuring you all the time.
* Don’t expect too much. When you first meet someone who you have a connection with, it’s so easy to get lost in fantasies of how great your relationship might be, but with those fantasies come high expectations, and sometimes those expectations can be unrealistic. Make it a point to remind yourself that this person is human and that no one is perfect. They will make mistakes, and you need to be ready to forgive.
* Be understanding of another person’s time. Don’t expect the relevant individual to spend every spare minute of time they have with you. They also need time for their work, family, friends and themselves.
* Go out with friends without your significant other. Encourage your partner to do the same, making sure to remove all signs of jealousy.
* Get busy doing other things. People who are busy simply don’t have enough time to be needy. If you have nothing better to do than to wait for someone to call or write back, then you’re probably bored and/or don’t have anything better to do. Find something you enjoy that you can do outside of your relationship such as a hobby or sport. This will help you prevent making your partner the center of your world.
* Feel secure about yourself. Odds are, if you struggle with neediness, you have low self-esteem. You might be looking for someone to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn’t base your happiness on someone else. You can make them a source of happiness but not the only one.
* Learn to trust. Neediness is often associated with a lack of trust, and sometimes a fear of abandonment. When you find yourself doubting someone’s feelings for you, or their loyalty, ask yourself why you don’t trust them. If you really care for this person, and they’ve earned your trust, then give it to them.
