A long distance relationship takes hard work and commitment to grow and thrive. These tips will help keep your relationship strong even with thousands of miles in between you and your partner.
They say “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but anyone who is or has been in a long distance relationship knows the key to success is more than just absence. Long distance relationships are built on loyalty, trust, and respect. While these relationships sometimes are misunderstood by those who are not involved, the couple who is committed to making it work knows that the challenges posed by distance can become strengths in the relationship. Long distance is not for every couple, but for those who know they have found their soulmates, a few thousand miles cannot keep love from growing and blooming into a beautiful relationship. The following tips can help a long distance relationship jump over the hurdles and make it to the finish line – when both members of the couple are in the same city for good.
Make a game plan.When a long distance relationship is beginning to form, it is important for both members to determine what they want to do for the short and long terms. As with all good relationships, it’s important to remember to make each person comfortable with the plan and to allow for give and take as the relationship evolves.
Communication is the key.let the other person know how much you miss them and love them. With thousands of miles in between you and your beloved, it’s easy to become insecure, so try to nip that in the bud. Make the person know how much you care by telling them how much you love and miss them every time you speak.
Be there for the person in good times and bad times. The phrase “I’m only a phone call away” takes on new meaning to those in a long distance relationship. Whereas people in local relationships can see each other to celebrate their successes and reach out for a hug or shoulder to lean on when things do not go so well, people in long distance relationships need to provide that support on the phone. Be able to be reached when you say you will be, then listen and respond accordingly to the news you hear from the other end of the line.
Make the commitment. Long distance relationships are tough, so they definitely need the commitment of both parties in order to make it through the often long days and nights. While it can take a lot of work to make a long distance relationship work, remember that it is worth it because it could be your soul mate that you are talking to each night before you go to sleep.
Send old-fashioned letters and packages through the mail. Everyone loves to see personal mail in the mailbox instead of simply finding bills there day after day. Not only that, but it’s romantic to see the thoughts and emotions of your loved one spelled out in a card or a letter. Snail mail also gives you the opportunity to send care packages filled with your sweetheart’s favorite things, remembrances of you or a special day, or even inside jokes the two of you share. The use of old-fashioned mail gives your relationship a sense of romanticism that often is overlooked – plus, it’s fun!
Uncork the bottle. If something is bothering you, say it. Do not let it build up because it is noticeable on the phone or in notes if you are not 100% happy with something. Not dealing with problems directly always is tough, but in a long distance relationship that depends on honest and open communication, it is imperative to discuss these issues right from the start.
Use technology to your advantage. E-mails, text messages, and the advances in Web cameras really help long distance lovers stay close throughout the long spaces in between visits. E-mails and text messages allow you to send short notes of love and short updates on what you are up to in your hometown while the other person goes on with his/her day. The Web cam is a huge advancement for long distance relationships as it allows for the two of you to have face-to-face conversations as long as both of you have an Internet connection and a camera. Seeing your sweetheart’s facial expressions can often make what would have been a normal old phone conversation turn into an amazing meeting between the two of you. Remember to use these technologies to say “I love you” as often as possible.
Common interests give you topics to discuss. When you live in the same city, it is easy to find things to talk about because you constantly are sharing experiences. When you live apart, those shared experiences are few and far between. Common interests help both of you know that you will have something to chat about each time you get on the phone or see each other in person. If you enjoy hockey, encourage your loved one to watch a game or two with you, then this could be another shared interest for the two of you. If your significant other decides to pick up tennis while you live apart, sign yourself up for some lessons and you may just find yourself to be an ace on the court and off!
Make the other person remember how great you are!. Talk about the good things about your life and remind your loved one about how great you are. If you wear your favorite outfit to the office and know that you looked fabulous, tell your significant other about how super you looked in that outfit that both of you like so much; chances are your better half will hear this and smile with memories of how you always look good wearing that outfit. If you do something great, share it – it is easy to share the bad times with your partner, but be sure to include that person in on all the good times, too. This will remind him or her about the wonderful person on the other end of the phone call and make the desire to see you in person even greater.
Plan visits. Nothing can take the place of a visit from your partner who lives far away. Plan the visit, then make sure that person gets all the quality time he/she deserves during that time (for example, do not plan a night out with the girls the night your boyfriend arrives). Be sure to enjoy each other’s company when you are together because this is a major part of what will keep your relationship alive during the weeks, months, or years apart.
Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship (dating, seeing each other, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged)as well defining exclusive(limited to one person,) non exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: “Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?” or “What are you looking to get out of the relationship?”. Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need.
Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it’s important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think… people in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously. For an extensive list of more things you can do with each other (or for each other) click here: Over 70 Activities & Ideas for LDR Couples!
Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won’t be seeing each other, it’s important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don’t always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand – you don’t take communication for granted!
Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality – something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.
Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there’s a movie you’re both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you’re on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.
Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match – or someone else is a better match – your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you’d want to live together, discussing how you’re going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.
Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you’ll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it’s worth, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. You have to remember that for a healthy relationship, no matter how far or close, you must be willing to let go.
Remember: things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope.
Visit often Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some “rules” about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a LDR survive.
Avoid jealousy and be trusting One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worth of trust until proven otherwise. Don’t fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven’t met or he/she didn’t get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a LDR, you lives won’t pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.
Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a LDR is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive points it that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, communicate better since you don’t have “face-to-face” time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.
Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about.
Create the relationship rules and restrictions. In long distance relationship, you have maintain some rules and a few restrictions because it is important that you and your partner set rules and restrictions to guide your long distance relationship.
Plan Regular Meetings.Meeting regularly is an important for your long-distance relationship. If you set some rules then in that agreement you have mention about your daily meeting. If you cancel you meeting than it is important to informed you partner with strong message.
Share Passions.f you really like your partner then try find out about your partner’s likes, dislikes and passions. If you want to involved with your partner then find something which is passions for your partner.
Trust One Another. Trust is an important thing to maintain your relationship because low self-esteem and a lack of trust can damage wonderful relationships.
Express Your Feelings.If you want to express your feelings to your long distance partner then it is not important to get together you can send strong letter in which you can express your feelings.
Never Make Assumptions.Each time you have to clear about your relationship with each other. Never assume that your long distance partner knows your feelings then share your feelings. Assumptions kill many relationships but clear communication helps relationships succeed.
Following these tips may not make your long distance relationship perfect, but it should help you make the best of your time apart—and keep your relationship on solid footing until you two are lucky enough to end up in the same city. Good luck!
